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| 6 Steps to Planning Your Civil Union Ceremony by Jennifer Ansbach |
Tailored Ceremonies
Rev. Jennifer Ansbach
New Jersey Wedding Officiant/Ceremony Writer
New Jersey Wedding Officiant/Ceremony Writer
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(908) 910-5670
You’ve decided to take the step of formalizing your love with a civil union, which becomes
legal in New Jersey on February 17, 2007. Congratulations! Follow these six steps to
designing your ceremony.
Step One. The first step to planning your civil union ceremony is to decide what kind of
ceremony you are looking for—religious, non-religious, spiritual—and then to book an
appropriate officiant, whether it be the pastor at your church, a mayor who does
ceremonies (some mayors have a “no weddings” policy and don’t do them for anyone), or
an independent wedding officiant. Independent wedding officiants can be found who will
be flexible in giving you the ceremony you want.
Step Two. Determine what kind of feeling you want your guests to walk away with—what
mood do you want to set for yourselves and for the guests? This may be solemn, joyous,
introspective, profound, lighthearted…. Your ceremony sets the tone for your reception, so
take time with your partner to discuss your dreams and your ideas here.
Step Three. Decide what kind of vows you want to make. These vows, the legal promises
you make to each other, articulate how you feel and what you will do for each other. For
many seeking civil unions, these vows may be more like a vow renewal, coming on the
heels of a former commitment ceremony. Others may feel like they need to acknowledge
the years they have already spent together.
Step Four. Establish how you want your guests to participate in your ceremony—are they
passive listeners? Will they all be called upon to bless the union or participate in choral
readings? Many of your guests will be honored to participate in these ways. In addition to
honor attendants, if you choose to have them, you may choose to have special guests
give readings at your ceremony. Depending on who is performing your ceremony, you can
incorporate secular readings that speak to you or that share the message you seek to
give your guests. An independent wedding officiant can help guide you in making your
selections and often can make suggestions of readings you had not considered and
which fit well with the mood and overall feeling your are establishing. Remember that
some clergy have rules governing music selection and check before planning your music.
Step Five. Stop to consider the place of music in your ceremony—will you have a DJ play
traditional wedding or classical music? Will you choose a single harpist or guitar player to
play more contemporary choices? Fit your music to the overall mood of the day to add
dimension and underline the feeling you want your guests to share with you.
Step Six. Integrate wedding traditions, if it suits you. Unity candles, sand ceremonies,
hand ceremonies, and wine ceremonies are all popular ways to symbolically join you and
your partner in a non-religious ceremony. Many traditions reflect certain cultures or
religious beliefs. If you want to include these, make sure your wedding officiant agrees.
A civil union ceremony is your opportunity to express your love for your partner in a way
that reflects who you are both as individuals and together. Show your guests what you
love about each other. Feel free to modify wedding traditions to suit your preferences,
whether it be the processional, the choice of honor attendants, or the rituals you include.
legal in New Jersey on February 17, 2007. Congratulations! Follow these six steps to
designing your ceremony.
Step One. The first step to planning your civil union ceremony is to decide what kind of
ceremony you are looking for—religious, non-religious, spiritual—and then to book an
appropriate officiant, whether it be the pastor at your church, a mayor who does
ceremonies (some mayors have a “no weddings” policy and don’t do them for anyone), or
an independent wedding officiant. Independent wedding officiants can be found who will
be flexible in giving you the ceremony you want.
Step Two. Determine what kind of feeling you want your guests to walk away with—what
mood do you want to set for yourselves and for the guests? This may be solemn, joyous,
introspective, profound, lighthearted…. Your ceremony sets the tone for your reception, so
take time with your partner to discuss your dreams and your ideas here.
Step Three. Decide what kind of vows you want to make. These vows, the legal promises
you make to each other, articulate how you feel and what you will do for each other. For
many seeking civil unions, these vows may be more like a vow renewal, coming on the
heels of a former commitment ceremony. Others may feel like they need to acknowledge
the years they have already spent together.
Step Four. Establish how you want your guests to participate in your ceremony—are they
passive listeners? Will they all be called upon to bless the union or participate in choral
readings? Many of your guests will be honored to participate in these ways. In addition to
honor attendants, if you choose to have them, you may choose to have special guests
give readings at your ceremony. Depending on who is performing your ceremony, you can
incorporate secular readings that speak to you or that share the message you seek to
give your guests. An independent wedding officiant can help guide you in making your
selections and often can make suggestions of readings you had not considered and
which fit well with the mood and overall feeling your are establishing. Remember that
some clergy have rules governing music selection and check before planning your music.
Step Five. Stop to consider the place of music in your ceremony—will you have a DJ play
traditional wedding or classical music? Will you choose a single harpist or guitar player to
play more contemporary choices? Fit your music to the overall mood of the day to add
dimension and underline the feeling you want your guests to share with you.
Step Six. Integrate wedding traditions, if it suits you. Unity candles, sand ceremonies,
hand ceremonies, and wine ceremonies are all popular ways to symbolically join you and
your partner in a non-religious ceremony. Many traditions reflect certain cultures or
religious beliefs. If you want to include these, make sure your wedding officiant agrees.
A civil union ceremony is your opportunity to express your love for your partner in a way
that reflects who you are both as individuals and together. Show your guests what you
love about each other. Feel free to modify wedding traditions to suit your preferences,
whether it be the processional, the choice of honor attendants, or the rituals you include.
(908) 910-5670
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